Day 56: A Letter

Our region choir festival is coming up next week and I selected music that has kicked all of our booties this term. Two of our three pieces are extremely difficult and we are running out of time. Everyone has worked hard and I'm so proud of them. I want them to feel like their hard work paid off, and we need a little extra oomph to get us there.  I talked to my Mads president about how to best motivate the class. She said thought I should talk to them about their potential. I wrote a letter on official school letterhead and had it delivered to their classes today.  I realized much of what I said to them I could apply directly back to myself when it comes to my fitness and health goals.

28 February 2018

Dear 2017-2018 HHS Madrigals,

I am pleased to inform you that you, along with 23 of your classmates, have been selected to reach your potential on Wednesday, March 7th, 2018 at the Region 6 Chamber Choir Festival.  

You have been selected for this honor for many reasons, and not just because of your ability to sing difficult music.  Sophie brings fun and laughter to our group.  Holly brings kindness.  Lily brings inspiration.  Madeleine gives us richness.  Daria brings vocal leadership.  Ian gives strength.  Cameron contributes rhythmic and harmonic consistency.  Andrew P. always takes us higher- literally.  Sammy has outstanding work ethic.  Tanner gives us versatility. Anna contributes a never-wavering smile. Kate contributes reliability.  Kathryn demonstrates maturity. Andrew F. teaches us we can go outside our comfort zone and achieve more than we thought we could.  Josh contributes astronomical growth.  Maren brings a knack for sight-reading.  Jared gives us perseverance.  Claire adds humility.  Emma contributes personality.  Ben C. contributes stellar intonation. Ben L. gives total commitment.  Nina brings a classical tone.  Jake gives us likeability.  Caleb contributes courage. How could we not meet our goals with all of these invaluable attributes working together?     

In order to be successful one week from today, you must commit to the following things:

-Recognize what each person in our choir has to offer

-Take personal responsibility for knowing your notes and rhythms

-Have courage to sing out

-Keep your lip corners forward and your soft palate lifted

-Listen louder than you sing

In order to achieve the required tasks above, you must do the following in the next 7 days:

-Express appreciation for one another and serve each other.  See each other through different eyes.

-Spend time with your music outside of rehearsal, alone and with friends.

-Practice total awareness of your contribution to the whole musically- am I blending? Do my vowels match my neighbors? Am I balanced with the other sections?

-Reflect on your attitude and replace positivity with negativity.  Optimism has the power to help attain the unattainable.  Negativity can destroy potential.  

I look forward to our final rehearsals this week as you work together to attain unity of sound and of mind.  I have great faith in your team’s ability to meet the rigorous demands of the music you’ve been given. But it will require all 25 of us giving more focus, commitment, and positive attitude than we’ve ever given before.

Sincerely,

Kathryn E. Houston, MM

Choir Director at Highland High School & Your Biggest Fan

So what can I take away from this when it comes to my health and fitness?

In order to be successful in my goals to return to a healthy, comfortable weight, I need to commit to the following things:

1) Recognizing my own strengths
2) Taking personal responsibility for what I eat and the amount of activity I do every day.
3) Have courage to keep going every day when I make mistakes

In order to achieve the required tasks above, I must do the following in the next 309 days:

1) Acknowledge my victories.  See myself through different eyes. 
2) Spend time being active, alone and with friends.
3) Practice total awareness of my body- am I hungry? Am I full?  Did I overeat? Am I eating foods that make me feel healthy?
4) Reflect on my attitude and replace positivity with negativity. 

I guess the process for reaching lofty goals, no matter what they are, is very similar: believing in ourselves, being accountable, being reflective, and being positive.  I really believe when we put these four principles in to practice, we can do great things. 

Day 55: Squandered

I’ve decided that not much is worse than looking back at your day and seeing how you wasted your time. Life is such a precious gift. True, there are times we need to recharge and be lazy. But there are also times when we need to make an effort to be productive and do things we don’t want to do so we canultinately have more overall life satisfaction. I had some precious spare hours today that I should have spent in exercise and working on some projects. Instead, I took a nap. I wasn’t even tired. 

The exercise piece of my healthy living goals has been the slowest to come so far. At my physical, the doctor said I should be doing 30 minutes 5 days a week. That’s such a small amount of time, especially considering how much I spend per day checking my social media. I need to start looking at simpler workout options and not thinking that a workout is only beneficial if I go for 4 miles. When it’s cold, I’m a baby about working out outside. What about lifting weights to a YouTube video every day? Walking the stairs in my house? Doing squats? Yoga? So many indoor, quick and easy options. 

Day 54: Yes, I know Heavenly Father Loves Me!

After my experience yesterdasy at the Mormon Tabernacle Choir broadcast, I woke up this morning and found this "time hop" on Facebook.

Katie Houston

February 26, 2017 · 

One morning this week as I was driving to work, I asked God if He loved me. Then I asked Him how much. And then I asked if He could please show me. It sounds a little childish for a grown woman, but I needed His reassurance. It is amazing to see how he answered that prayer undeniably this week in specific ways through others- an inspired text from a friend, an unexpected act of service from a family member, a quote discussed in a church lesson, etc. He is real and He knows me personally. I don't know how. I have absolutely no idea how, to be honest. But I know He does. 

#sharegoodness

I couldn't believe that it was exactly a year ago that I was asking God the same questions that I was asking yesterday.  Pretty amazing.  I am so grateful for a God who knows me and loves me and is AWARE of me! Looking at the text of, "Thou Lovely Source of True Delight," there was a verse added in Mack Wiberg's version (see yesterday's post).  It says, "Where e'er my feet doth carry me, what e'er my hands shall do, Lord open thou mine eyes to see my love for thee is true."  I find this word choice so interesting- not "thy" love for "me" is true, but the other way around. We go through life having faith in God and loving Him, hoping He loves us in return.  Is our love in vain? We need Him to help us see that it isn't- that are faith is founded in truth.

Day 53: Clean Slate

Today was one of those days where all my imperfections glared at me fiercely. I was frustrated with myself and I felt like I was consciously letting people down. I was distracted all morning. I thought to myself, “I wish I could just start over. I want to wipe the slate clean.” And then I remembered that the gospel of Jesus Christ teaches me that I can. When I take the Sacrament, I wipe my slate clean. I am not starting the journey over; rather, I am starting again without anything weighing me down. I don’t lose the progress I’ve made. When we were singing our last song on the broadcast, “Thou Lovely Source of True Delight,” I was filled with God’s love for me. He knew I needed to feel His love this morning, because I was doubting that He could love me as I am.

As you may have gathered, I love words and poetry. Here is the exquisite, inspired text to the piece by Anne Steele, the daughter of a preacher in the 1700's.  The lines highlighted were changed/added later. In blue are additions by, I believe, Kevin Twit.  In yellow are the changes/additions for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir version by Mack Wilberg).

Thou lovely Source of true delight,
Whom I unseen adore;
Unveil Thy beauties to my sight,
That I may love Thee more.

Thy glory o’er creation shines;
But in Thy sacred Word,
I read in fairer, brighter lines,
My dear redeeming Lord

'Tis here I bring my wounded soul

And here I bend my knee

Tis here I taste the burning coal

To gaze upon the tree.

Where e'er my feet doth carry me

What e'er my hands shall do

Lord open thou mine eyes to see 

My love for thee is true.

And even as my comforts droop,
And sins and sorrows rise,
Thy love with cheerful beams of hope,
My fainting heart supplies.

 But ah! Too soon the pleasing scene 
Is clouded o’er with pain 
My gloomy fears rise dark between 
And I again complain

Jesus, my Lord, my Life, my Light,
O come with shining ray;
Break radiant through the shades of night,
And chase my fears away.

Then shall my soul with singing trace
The wonders of Thy love;
Then shall I see thy glorious face

In endless joy above

This morning, I woke up without a desire to eat because of the food I ate later in the evening the night before. I kind of fought with myself about whether or not I was “allowed” to skip breakfast. But I decided to go with how my body felt. I think it was a good choice. I want to tune in to eating when my body prompts me. I ate a great lunch and dinner and didn’t feel deprived. But, I ended up eating a lot of treats in the evening, more than I felt hungry for. I sort of gave myself permission to eat without tracking it and kept going back for more. I’m sad that I gave in to the temptation of “taking a break” because that’s the opposite of my goal. My goal is to create a lifestyle that doesn’t beg for breaks or free days. I’m going to keep working on this!

Day 52: My Hips Don’t Lie

The measurement I’ve been using to track my progress this new year is how my clothes fit. My clothes reveal the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Today was a frustrating experience trying on a bunch of formal outfits in my closet and acknowledging that I still have a long path ahead to a more normal and natural weight. This is going to be very slow and steady and my results won’t be instantaneous. But I prefer it this way, having done what felt like near starvation diets in the past.

I want to a party tonight with lots of delicious desserts. While I did choose to indulge a little, I definitely didn’t get the crazy binge feeling of “eat this all while you can!” Progress.

Day 51: Hobbit Dinner

I know this is not an earth shaking discovery, but here it goes: When I eat when I'm hungry, it takes away my hunger pains. Boom.

Let me explain. I come home from work starving.  My lunch at work is at 11:00 a.m., so I'm hungry early.  I always get nervous when I feel this way, because it's often too early for dinner and I don't want to end up eating the equivalent of two dinners.  But when I grab some snacks and eat until I don't feel that way anymore, I am satisfied without an entire meal.  The point is this: I am always afraid I will eat so much more than I actually do.  When I'm staying true to how I feel, my body fills up normally.  I had some snacks today after school and found that at dinner, I ate much less than I expected. I dealt with my hunger reasonably earlier in the day, which prevented a desire to binge at dinner.

This is a total change of subject, but here is some poetry I wrote a week ago.

Now I’m Found
By Katie Houston

They say love is blind
But I disagree.
We are blind
Because we love

Fiercely.
Optimistically.
Unconditionally.

We see the good
And tie the blindfold
Around our own eyes.
Because we believe in

Chances.
Opportunities.
Forgiveness.

Yet,
The time sometimes comes
When the scale tips
Too far on one side
And balance cannot
Be restored.
Too much

Selfishness
Stubbornness
Color blindness.

Our world Is shattered
As we remove our own blindfold,
Fall to the ground
And lie amidst the broken pieces of

Trust
Confidence
Hope.

But though one story
Ends
A new one begins.
We fight,
Eyes wide open,
To restore

Trust
Confidence
Hope

In ourselves
And in
Humanity.

We forbid ourselves
From becoming
That which we
Feared
We refuse to allow

Selfishness
Stubbornness
Color blindness

To extinguish
“The fire in [our] eyes”
We begin to lay hold on

Opportunities
Chances
Forgiveness

And we become
Ready to stand again.
Because we love
Ourselves

Fiercely
Optimistically
Unconditionally

And even in
Darkness
We are
Courageous.

Day 50: A chocolate a day keeps the cravings at bay

I’ve been sulking for hours about having to miss the Olympic women’s free skate tonight because of rehearsal. I’m a big girl. I could have stayed home from rehearsal, but I chose to go, and I need to learn to just suck it up and be happy. I feel like there are some people out there who are just saintly, patient humans and I feel so far from that ideal. Sometimes I think being single makes me focus too much on what I want. I don’t believe we are here on this earth to live primarily for ourselves. I want to find as much happiness serving others as I find doing things for myself that I enjoy.

 I got home and was watching the news about the aftermath of the school shootings- four schools in Utah investigated threats this week. There is an app called Safe UT that has apparently prevented 86 planned school attacks. I think that’s supposed to make me feel better, but it makes me feel worse because or how many people are considering violence as a way of coping with their feelings. It’s terrifying. It certainly puts in perspective missing a night of the Olympics for a rehearsal of beautiful music.

Little chocolate dove squares in moderation are really helping me curb the cravings without going overboard. I am happier with a little chocolate every day ;).