My sisters and I started an Instagram account aimed at healthy living mentally, physically, and spirituality. Each day, we focus on a different component of living a healthy, joyful life:
Mental Health Monday
Topic Tuesday (discussion)
What We Ate Wednesday
Thankful Thursday
Fitness Friday
Self-Care Saturday
Spiritual Sunday
Follow us @joyouslifehealthylife
We are excited to interact with everyone through this medium!
Sunday, February 10, 2019
Sunday, November 11, 2018
Second Chances
This dating challenge was a crazy journey- one I don't plan to repeat- but one I'm so glad I took. In case anyone just tuned in, I made a goal on August 10th, 2018 to complete 35 dates in 3 months in honor of my 35th birthday (September 10th). I finished yesterday on November 10th.
Stats: Where did they come from?
Because the numbers interest me, here are some facts about my 35 dates:
Stats: Where did they come from?
Because the numbers interest me, here are some facts about my 35 dates:
- I went on 35 dates with 33 different men (2 dates were second dates)
- 1 of my 35 dates was maybe a little fake (unless going to Josh Groban's concert and listening to him sing to me for date #28 really DOES count as going on a date WITH Josh Groban)
- 9 of my 35 dates were setups
- 1 was set up by a former roommate
- 3 were set up by friends from the Tab CATS ;-)
- 1 was set up by a childhood friend
- 1 was set up by a friend from my mid-single ward
- 1 was set up by a former student
- 1 was set up by a student's mom
- 1 was set up by date #29
- Another 9 of my 35 dates came from Mutual, a religious version of Tinder
- 9 of my dates were men I already knew
- 2 of my dates were people I met in person at different functions during the challenge and I asked them to be one of my dates
- 3 of my dates were men I didn't know who contacted me when they heard I was doing a dating challenge
Stats: About Them
- About 14 of my dates were younger than me; about 19 of my dates were older than me (I'm not 100% sure on a couple of them)
- About 21 of my dates, like me, have never been married before
- 9 of my dates have children
- 3 prospective dates (all set-ups) canceled after scheduling a date and never rescheduled
- 9 of the dates were phone dates (8 video chat, one a regular phone call)
- Going on first dates back to back to back is emotionally exhausting. It's hard to re-introduce yourself over and over again. I found myself toward the beginning longing to go out with someone who knew me deeper than surface level.
- I think feeling romantic chemistry on a first date is a pretty rare thing. Of the 33 men I went out with, I felt romantically attracted to 3 or 4 (not including Josh Groban- obviously I love him truly, madly, deeply). That's not to say that chemistry couldn't evolve, because it absolutely could. But first impression chemistry is unique. I think many people are looking for the instant chemistry and neglect to pursue someone further if it isn't there on a first meeting. I think we are all guilty of that. But consider all the times that someone becomes more attractive over time. I think a productive experiment for someone else (ha ha) would be to go on 35 second dates. My guess is that the results would be surprising. Also, the instant chemistry is such a small part of whether or not a relationship will ultimately work out. I met people with whom I felt chemistry, but there were other things- big things- that made pursuing the interest very difficult, regardless of the initial attraction.
- So many people out there have connections to singles in my age bracket- all it took was letting people know I was interested in being set up.
- Setting up a short, inexpensive date for a first date is a good way to go- it makes both parties feel more relaxed and willing to meet if they know it's not a big time or emotional commitment.
- When I forced myself to go on lots of simple, low stress dates, it was easier to worry less about the little things- if every single hair on my head was perfectly in place, for example, or if I had on a full face of makeup. I was probably more authentic as a result.
- There are a lot of good men out there. Just because they aren't all good for me doesn't mean good men don't exist. I think people-myself included- just need to get out there and date more to find one another.
What I Learned About Me:
I didn't realize how closely and tightly I am guarding my heart. First dates are easy; the thought of pursuing things beyond that terrifies me. The possibility of getting rejected or hurt is something I can't live with, so I seek to create my own certainty. Telling myself that a relationship with someone I'm interested in would never work out in the long run is so much easier for me than putting myself out there any further than a first date. I think that's pretty normal for someone who has been in the dating scene for 20 years and experienced a lot of disappointment. But fixing it needs to become a new priority.
A Religious Perspective:
I set this goal 3 months ago. My goal wasn't to necessarily find my future husband, but it was to put myself out there and learn more about myself and about dating. I also wanted to give my friends and family something fun to follow. I was very diligent. October was a slow month, but I put a lot of effort in to making this happen. The last week or two, I had no idea where my final 7-8 dates were going to come from. It was CRAZY how opportunities presented themselves out of the blue, one after the other. I really feel like God knows me and is aware of me and my goals. He knew it was important to me to meet this goal for myself. As crazy as it may sound, I believe he helped me reach my goal of 35 dates in 3 months. I feel proud of myself for not giving up, even though I kind of wanted to. It gives me hope that I can reach other goals (like maybe my fitness goals..?), especially with divine help.
In Conclusion:
My new friend (he was one of my 35 dates!) encouraged me to add a concluding "Doogie Howser, M.D." type of moral lesson at the end of this post. Since I'm WAYYYYY too young to know what on earth he's talking about, I'll try to draw my own conclusion as to what that means ;-).
This experience taught me to view dating as something way less complicated than I originally thought it was. Relationships are complicated; dating shouldn't be. I learned that everyone has a story to share. All my dates had talents and interests that made them unique. That was one of my favorite parts of this experience- I loved learning about so many different passions and hobbies- home remodeling, baseball, cars, architecture, and much more.
Throughout the 3 month challenge, I forced myself to take lots of chances with less apology. That was huge for me. So the next phase of my life begins a chapter of second chances. My goal is to date with more confidence and less worrying. I want to take more risks. This is my second chance at the dating scene and my vision is clearer now.
In Conclusion:
My new friend (he was one of my 35 dates!) encouraged me to add a concluding "Doogie Howser, M.D." type of moral lesson at the end of this post. Since I'm WAYYYYY too young to know what on earth he's talking about, I'll try to draw my own conclusion as to what that means ;-).
This experience taught me to view dating as something way less complicated than I originally thought it was. Relationships are complicated; dating shouldn't be. I learned that everyone has a story to share. All my dates had talents and interests that made them unique. That was one of my favorite parts of this experience- I loved learning about so many different passions and hobbies- home remodeling, baseball, cars, architecture, and much more.
Throughout the 3 month challenge, I forced myself to take lots of chances with less apology. That was huge for me. So the next phase of my life begins a chapter of second chances. My goal is to date with more confidence and less worrying. I want to take more risks. This is my second chance at the dating scene and my vision is clearer now.
P.S. Guess what?
I just got a text from someone offering to be one of my dates next week. A girl in my ward gave him my number. He probably doesn't know the dating challenge is over, but maybe I won't tell him ;-). If I've learned anything from this dating challenge, it's "Why the heck not?"
Saturday, November 10, 2018
Thirty-Fifth Chance
Date Connection:
Date 35 was supposed to be a set-up by one of my friends from college. She lives out of state and connected me with a guy in the music community there (who happens to be extremely attractive). He and I planned to talk on the phone between showings of my school musical around 4 p.m. He called me at 3:55 p.m. and I couldn't answer because we were finishing up with the musical. I called back at 4:13 p.m. and he didn't answer (and still hasn't, 2 hours later). Today is the last day of my challenge and our next show starts in an hour, so my friend and co-worker offered to be my final date between shows. We were already going to dinner anyway, so it worked beautifully. So what if we both like men and he has a committed partner ;-).
Date Location:
The Habit in Sugarhouse
What I Learned:
This is the 4th year we've worked in adjoining classrooms and I learned something brand new about him today. Apparently, he used to love cars as a little kid and can identify a car's make and model instantly. That is a gift I do not possess. I also learned he makes a goal every summer to read one book that will help him become a better teacher. That explains a lot- he has done amazing things in 4 short years of teaching out of college.
My thirty-fifth chance at this dating challenge reconfirmed to me that if I never get married, I will be okay. I was blessed with the most incredible support system in my family, co-workers, and friends. I am surrounded by people who love me- the true, authentic me. How could I possibly ask for more than that?
Date 35 was supposed to be a set-up by one of my friends from college. She lives out of state and connected me with a guy in the music community there (who happens to be extremely attractive). He and I planned to talk on the phone between showings of my school musical around 4 p.m. He called me at 3:55 p.m. and I couldn't answer because we were finishing up with the musical. I called back at 4:13 p.m. and he didn't answer (and still hasn't, 2 hours later). Today is the last day of my challenge and our next show starts in an hour, so my friend and co-worker offered to be my final date between shows. We were already going to dinner anyway, so it worked beautifully. So what if we both like men and he has a committed partner ;-).
Date Location:
The Habit in Sugarhouse
What I Learned:
This is the 4th year we've worked in adjoining classrooms and I learned something brand new about him today. Apparently, he used to love cars as a little kid and can identify a car's make and model instantly. That is a gift I do not possess. I also learned he makes a goal every summer to read one book that will help him become a better teacher. That explains a lot- he has done amazing things in 4 short years of teaching out of college.
My thirty-fifth chance at this dating challenge reconfirmed to me that if I never get married, I will be okay. I was blessed with the most incredible support system in my family, co-workers, and friends. I am surrounded by people who love me- the true, authentic me. How could I possibly ask for more than that?
Thirty-Fourth Chance
Date Connection:
This date came to me in a unique way- date #29 referred him to me! When he saw I was looking for more dates, he volunteered himself and said he had a friend who might be interested as well. He gave him my number and he contacted me.
Date Location:
Chili's
What I Learned:
It was pretty amazing to go out with a military vet for the first time. He shared with me a few things that took me off guard. I am largely ignorant of the price vets pay when they go overseas and this opened my eyes. For example, he said he was glad our table was positioned close to the door. He said he would feel better if he was in my seat, facing the door, as opposed to his seat where his back was to the door. He also said that by going to the restroom right when he came in to the restaurant, he had the chance to locate all the exits in the building. He said this hyper awareness of his surroundings was a byproduct of his two tours overseas. He said it's very difficult to live that way. This was absolutely fascinating to me. He sacrificed a lot by serving in the army on behalf of all of us in our free country.
One thing I really liked about him was that he made a point to tell me what he found attractive in me. He said he liked that I'm outgoing and that I'm not afraid to eat! People often keep compliments to themselves for fear of how they might come across, but he was not shy about telling me exactly what he thought. This was refreshing! Everything about him was authentic and I didn't have to guess. He was open and honest. I appreciated that a lot.
My thirty-fourth chance taught me that there is a lot I don't understand about human experience. It makes me grateful for a God who does. It also taught me that when someone is open and honest with me, it makes it safer for me to be open and honest with that person. I think there is a lot to be said for that.
This date came to me in a unique way- date #29 referred him to me! When he saw I was looking for more dates, he volunteered himself and said he had a friend who might be interested as well. He gave him my number and he contacted me.
Date Location:
Chili's
What I Learned:
It was pretty amazing to go out with a military vet for the first time. He shared with me a few things that took me off guard. I am largely ignorant of the price vets pay when they go overseas and this opened my eyes. For example, he said he was glad our table was positioned close to the door. He said he would feel better if he was in my seat, facing the door, as opposed to his seat where his back was to the door. He also said that by going to the restroom right when he came in to the restaurant, he had the chance to locate all the exits in the building. He said this hyper awareness of his surroundings was a byproduct of his two tours overseas. He said it's very difficult to live that way. This was absolutely fascinating to me. He sacrificed a lot by serving in the army on behalf of all of us in our free country.
One thing I really liked about him was that he made a point to tell me what he found attractive in me. He said he liked that I'm outgoing and that I'm not afraid to eat! People often keep compliments to themselves for fear of how they might come across, but he was not shy about telling me exactly what he thought. This was refreshing! Everything about him was authentic and I didn't have to guess. He was open and honest. I appreciated that a lot.
My thirty-fourth chance taught me that there is a lot I don't understand about human experience. It makes me grateful for a God who does. It also taught me that when someone is open and honest with me, it makes it safer for me to be open and honest with that person. I think there is a lot to be said for that.
Thursday, November 8, 2018
Thirty-Third Chance
Date Connection:
We met on Mutual. I didn't actually tell him about my dating challenge, which was unusual for me. It didn't feel relevant, so I left it out.
Date Location:
We met at the Westerner in West Valley City for some country dancing!
What I Learned:
He was a great dancer! He obviously practiced hard to become good at a wide variety of moves. He enjoyed teaching me new moves and helping me become better as well. He didn't make me feel like he wanted to go and dance with people who were better than me, even though I would stumble a lot and not always follow his lead. He made sure to get me water and get it refilled often, which was so considerate and appreciated. He is a funeral director, which is a job one doesn't often hear about! He loves reading and the stock market is his hobby- he would love to someday turn that in to his main source of income.
My thirty-third chance at this dating challenge reminded me that country dancing is a fun way to get to know people. You can tell a lot about a person based on how they interact with you as a dance partner!
We met on Mutual. I didn't actually tell him about my dating challenge, which was unusual for me. It didn't feel relevant, so I left it out.
Date Location:
We met at the Westerner in West Valley City for some country dancing!
What I Learned:
He was a great dancer! He obviously practiced hard to become good at a wide variety of moves. He enjoyed teaching me new moves and helping me become better as well. He didn't make me feel like he wanted to go and dance with people who were better than me, even though I would stumble a lot and not always follow his lead. He made sure to get me water and get it refilled often, which was so considerate and appreciated. He is a funeral director, which is a job one doesn't often hear about! He loves reading and the stock market is his hobby- he would love to someday turn that in to his main source of income.
My thirty-third chance at this dating challenge reminded me that country dancing is a fun way to get to know people. You can tell a lot about a person based on how they interact with you as a dance partner!
Wednesday, November 7, 2018
Thirty-Second Chance
Date Connection:
During parent/teacher conferences, I was chatting with the parents of three boys I’ve taught consecutively for 8 years (the entire time I’ve been at Highland!). I was telling them about my dating challenge that had just started. The mom texted me later and lined me up with a single man in their ward.
Date Location:
We met for hot chocolates (and gluten free muffins-yum!) at Sugarhouse Coffee.
What I Learned:
One thing I noticed about him is he had a sweet, cheerful chuckle that was fun to hear throughout our conversation. He is just an all around nice guy and I really enjoyed getting to know him. He specializes in IT. I asked him what he would choose to do if he didn’t do IT. It was so cool what this question taught me. He said he always loved architecture, and he enjoys drawing house designs just for fun. He loves to create buildings out of legos as a way to tap in to his love of design. He also said he would enjoy teaching seminary or institute. That wasn’t something I would have guessed, as he seemed quiet initially. It made me see him with a brand new perspective and it was awesome! An already great guy became even cooler.
My thirty-second chance at this dating challenge reminded me that people are full of interesting things that often go undiscovered in a first meeting. I want to think outside the box and ask more questions that help get to know someone beneath the surface.
During parent/teacher conferences, I was chatting with the parents of three boys I’ve taught consecutively for 8 years (the entire time I’ve been at Highland!). I was telling them about my dating challenge that had just started. The mom texted me later and lined me up with a single man in their ward.
Date Location:
We met for hot chocolates (and gluten free muffins-yum!) at Sugarhouse Coffee.
What I Learned:
One thing I noticed about him is he had a sweet, cheerful chuckle that was fun to hear throughout our conversation. He is just an all around nice guy and I really enjoyed getting to know him. He specializes in IT. I asked him what he would choose to do if he didn’t do IT. It was so cool what this question taught me. He said he always loved architecture, and he enjoys drawing house designs just for fun. He loves to create buildings out of legos as a way to tap in to his love of design. He also said he would enjoy teaching seminary or institute. That wasn’t something I would have guessed, as he seemed quiet initially. It made me see him with a brand new perspective and it was awesome! An already great guy became even cooler.
My thirty-second chance at this dating challenge reminded me that people are full of interesting things that often go undiscovered in a first meeting. I want to think outside the box and ask more questions that help get to know someone beneath the surface.
Tuesday, November 6, 2018
Thirty-First Chance
Date Connection:
We met at the Utah American Choral Director’s Association fall conference. He sat in a seat I vacated and I gave him a hard time about it when I came back. He is interesting in switching careers to become a choir teacher. He came to observe my classroom on Monday and I invited him to be one of my dates for lunch after.
Date Location:
Free Birds in Sugarhouse
What I Learned:
I saw a lot of myself in him, which surprised me a little. He and I both tend to undersell our abilities but see talent clearly in others. He pointed out specific things in my teaching that he thought were effective and I didn’t know what to do with the compliments. He made me feel like a million bucks. In him, I see someone very handsome, goal oriented, and driven. He is also kind and friendly- a definite catch. I think if I told him that, he wouldn’t see it like I do.
My thirty-first chance taught me that if I can see something good in people that they can’t see in themselves, maybe there are good things about myself that I can’t see.
We met at the Utah American Choral Director’s Association fall conference. He sat in a seat I vacated and I gave him a hard time about it when I came back. He is interesting in switching careers to become a choir teacher. He came to observe my classroom on Monday and I invited him to be one of my dates for lunch after.
Date Location:
Free Birds in Sugarhouse
What I Learned:
I saw a lot of myself in him, which surprised me a little. He and I both tend to undersell our abilities but see talent clearly in others. He pointed out specific things in my teaching that he thought were effective and I didn’t know what to do with the compliments. He made me feel like a million bucks. In him, I see someone very handsome, goal oriented, and driven. He is also kind and friendly- a definite catch. I think if I told him that, he wouldn’t see it like I do.
My thirty-first chance taught me that if I can see something good in people that they can’t see in themselves, maybe there are good things about myself that I can’t see.
Sunday, November 4, 2018
Thirtieth Chance
I have one week left of my challenge with five remaining dates to reach the goal I set for myself. Whether or not I will actually make it in time will be a surprise to me most of all.
Date Connection:
We met on Mutual about a week ago.
Date Location:
The Orange Peel in Sandy
What I Learned:
First of all, the smoothie shop offered a Brazilian smoothie with maracuja (passion fruit). Dream come true!
My date is a great guy. I told him ahead of time that we would each pay for ourselves on the date. When I arrived, however, he told me he'd liked to get mine. We had great conversation. Like me, he has not been married before, so we had a lot in common in regards to dating and navigating through life single. He loves cars, and it was fun to hear him talk about something that excited him so much. At the end of the date, even though his car was in the opposite direction, he walked me to mine. I was impressed by that, even though it was a little thing.
My thirtieth chance at this experiment taught me that common life experiences unite us in a way nothing else can!
My thirtieth chance at this experiment taught me that common life experiences unite us in a way nothing else can!
Saturday, November 3, 2018
Twenty-Ninth Chance
Date Connection:
My ministering companion, Kate, decided to do a similar dating challenge to mine. She is going on 30 dates in 3 months. She posted it on her facebook page and referenced my challenge. She said that I was still looking for more dates. One of her Facebook friends who volunteered to be one of her dates contacted me and said he would also be one of mine!
Date Location:
Jim's Family Restaurant in Pleasant Grove
What I Learned:
He is a really, really good man. When I think of all the things I could say about him based on my first impression, it all boils down to that one fact. He loves his children deeply. He values family and is loyal. He is adventurous. He appreciates good grammar. His personality is charming. He is a gentleman. He is the kind of guy a girl would be proud to introduce to her friends because he would make anyone he met feel important and valued.
I had an emotional morning before I met him for breakfast, so my feelings were close to the surface when we went out. One of the topics of conversation we discussed was what I've learned being single into my mid-thirties. I teared up as I responded, which embarrassed me greatly in retrospect. But his response was full of compassion and kindness. I could tell he was really listening and seeking to understand what I had to say, which I really appreciated.
My twenty-ninth chance taught me that when I think someone is really good looking, I have a very hard time maintaining eye contact. It makes me too vulnerable, so I have to look away. I need to work on that.
My ministering companion, Kate, decided to do a similar dating challenge to mine. She is going on 30 dates in 3 months. She posted it on her facebook page and referenced my challenge. She said that I was still looking for more dates. One of her Facebook friends who volunteered to be one of her dates contacted me and said he would also be one of mine!
Date Location:
Jim's Family Restaurant in Pleasant Grove
What I Learned:
He is a really, really good man. When I think of all the things I could say about him based on my first impression, it all boils down to that one fact. He loves his children deeply. He values family and is loyal. He is adventurous. He appreciates good grammar. His personality is charming. He is a gentleman. He is the kind of guy a girl would be proud to introduce to her friends because he would make anyone he met feel important and valued.
I had an emotional morning before I met him for breakfast, so my feelings were close to the surface when we went out. One of the topics of conversation we discussed was what I've learned being single into my mid-thirties. I teared up as I responded, which embarrassed me greatly in retrospect. But his response was full of compassion and kindness. I could tell he was really listening and seeking to understand what I had to say, which I really appreciated.
My twenty-ninth chance taught me that when I think someone is really good looking, I have a very hard time maintaining eye contact. It makes me too vulnerable, so I have to look away. I need to work on that.
Tuesday, October 30, 2018
Twenty-Eighth Chance
Date Connection:
I knew who he was many years before I saw him in person for the first time. When I was engaged over ten years ago, I used to love to listen to him sing, "When You Say You Love Me."
Date Location:
Vivint Smart Home Arena
What I Learned:
I don't care what you say. This WAS our first date. He even dedicated a song to me (well...to all the arts teachers in the audience...which includes me...so to me).
My twenty-eighth chance taught me that music is its own love language.
I knew who he was many years before I saw him in person for the first time. When I was engaged over ten years ago, I used to love to listen to him sing, "When You Say You Love Me."
Date Location:
Vivint Smart Home Arena
What I Learned:
I don't care what you say. This WAS our first date. He even dedicated a song to me (well...to all the arts teachers in the audience...which includes me...so to me).
My twenty-eighth chance taught me that music is its own love language.
Wednesday, October 24, 2018
Twenty-Seventh Chance
Date Connection:
He and I met a couple years ago online and have kept in touch over the years. We've been out a few times before, but it had been awhile since I'd seen him in person. I asked if he'd want to be one of my dates. I knew it would be fun and I looked forward to spending time with someone who knows me a little better than just a first impression can provide.
Date Location:
Salt Lake Archery
What I Learned:
If I didn't already have a trillion things going right now, archery could easily become my new passion. It reminds me of the tongue in cheek quote from Pride and Prejudice that says, "If I had ever learnt, I should have been a great proficient.” I don't think that's actually true in this case with me and archery, but that quote makes me laugh. And I really did have a BLAST shooting arrows!
It was so fun to try a new sport that my date understood inside and out. He was able to explain everything about it to me in detail and give me great tips on how to shoot. I got a bullseye that I'm shamelessly proud of and it's hanging in my room. I also shot my arrows into many other places that were not the bullseye...or even the target...but that does not negate the success of that one shot! My date is super strong- like champion-dead-weight-lifting strong- and it was rad to see him whip back 75 pounds of tension on his bow (while I was happily rocking 22 pounds). He was shredding his paper, consistently landing shot after shot right next to each another. I loved that it was through my date that I saw the world for an hour through different lenses.
My twenty-seventh chance at this experiment taught me that there are things out there that I could really love if I only gave them a "shot" (ha ha). Maybe that applies to dating- sometimes we think we have a type that is unchangeable; however, maybe we aren't broadening our perspective enough. It's kind of sobering to think of all the things we miss out on because we don't go outside our comfort zone enough.
He and I met a couple years ago online and have kept in touch over the years. We've been out a few times before, but it had been awhile since I'd seen him in person. I asked if he'd want to be one of my dates. I knew it would be fun and I looked forward to spending time with someone who knows me a little better than just a first impression can provide.
Date Location:
Salt Lake Archery
What I Learned:
If I didn't already have a trillion things going right now, archery could easily become my new passion. It reminds me of the tongue in cheek quote from Pride and Prejudice that says, "If I had ever learnt, I should have been a great proficient.” I don't think that's actually true in this case with me and archery, but that quote makes me laugh. And I really did have a BLAST shooting arrows!
It was so fun to try a new sport that my date understood inside and out. He was able to explain everything about it to me in detail and give me great tips on how to shoot. I got a bullseye that I'm shamelessly proud of and it's hanging in my room. I also shot my arrows into many other places that were not the bullseye...or even the target...but that does not negate the success of that one shot! My date is super strong- like champion-dead-weight-lifting strong- and it was rad to see him whip back 75 pounds of tension on his bow (while I was happily rocking 22 pounds). He was shredding his paper, consistently landing shot after shot right next to each another. I loved that it was through my date that I saw the world for an hour through different lenses.
My twenty-seventh chance at this experiment taught me that there are things out there that I could really love if I only gave them a "shot" (ha ha). Maybe that applies to dating- sometimes we think we have a type that is unchangeable; however, maybe we aren't broadening our perspective enough. It's kind of sobering to think of all the things we miss out on because we don't go outside our comfort zone enough.
Tuesday, October 16, 2018
Twenty-Sixth Chance
Date Connection:
This was a second date with date #8!
Date Location:
Performance by Draper Philharmonic Orchestra and Symphony Chorus
What I Learned:
I was SO excited to discover the concert was all songs from musicals! They had featured soloists performing songs from some of my favorite shows. It was such a nice surprise when I arrived and saw the program.
Again, just as I observed the first time we went out, I learned that this guy doesn't let anything stop him from achieving his goals and exploring his passions. He has a quiet determination and is driven; yet he is also very kind. He is humble and friendly. I admire him to no end. I look at him and wonder if my attitude would be a fraction of what his is if I was faced with the same challenges he faced from infancy. He has endured countless surgeries and faced many obstacles, but he has a spirit of adventure that keeps him pushing far beyond limitations that the world might place on him without knowing who he really is. I think his character is truly remarkable.
My twenty-sixth chance taught me that we are as strong as we believe we can be. We should test the boundaries of our strength more often than we do!
This was a second date with date #8!
Date Location:
Performance by Draper Philharmonic Orchestra and Symphony Chorus
What I Learned:
I was SO excited to discover the concert was all songs from musicals! They had featured soloists performing songs from some of my favorite shows. It was such a nice surprise when I arrived and saw the program.
Again, just as I observed the first time we went out, I learned that this guy doesn't let anything stop him from achieving his goals and exploring his passions. He has a quiet determination and is driven; yet he is also very kind. He is humble and friendly. I admire him to no end. I look at him and wonder if my attitude would be a fraction of what his is if I was faced with the same challenges he faced from infancy. He has endured countless surgeries and faced many obstacles, but he has a spirit of adventure that keeps him pushing far beyond limitations that the world might place on him without knowing who he really is. I think his character is truly remarkable.
My twenty-sixth chance taught me that we are as strong as we believe we can be. We should test the boundaries of our strength more often than we do!
Tuesday, October 9, 2018
Twenty-Fifth Chance
Date Connection:
We met at a birthday party about a month after I began my challenge. I told him about it during our conversation and later asked if he wanted to be one of my dates.
Date Location:
Rubios
What I Learned:
Besides looking like Josh Groban, this man had many amazing and highly unique qualities. He is passionate about people from every walk of life and seeks to understand and learn from them. He devotes much of his life to non-profit work and spends lots of time with people who have very different lifestyles from his own. He is friendly and non-confrontational, but very open about his ideas and willing to listen. I felt like I didn't have to walk on egg shells around him and could ask any question without risking offense. Perhaps that mentality is problematic, but it's the one I adopted regardless, and he seemed at ease answering any question I presented. He does his homework- he believes in things he has taken the time to learn about and he doesn't seem worried about what others think about his views. He enjoys living in contradiction, maintaining strong religious and moral convictions while exploring many different views and perspectives. It was no surprise to learn he majored in Philosophy in college!
Chance #25 taught me that being "traditional" and following established patterns of living and working does not have to be the only way to live. Thinking outside the box a little just might lead us to a better version of ourselves and one that better understands the mission of the Savior.
We met at a birthday party about a month after I began my challenge. I told him about it during our conversation and later asked if he wanted to be one of my dates.
Date Location:
Rubios
What I Learned:
Besides looking like Josh Groban, this man had many amazing and highly unique qualities. He is passionate about people from every walk of life and seeks to understand and learn from them. He devotes much of his life to non-profit work and spends lots of time with people who have very different lifestyles from his own. He is friendly and non-confrontational, but very open about his ideas and willing to listen. I felt like I didn't have to walk on egg shells around him and could ask any question without risking offense. Perhaps that mentality is problematic, but it's the one I adopted regardless, and he seemed at ease answering any question I presented. He does his homework- he believes in things he has taken the time to learn about and he doesn't seem worried about what others think about his views. He enjoys living in contradiction, maintaining strong religious and moral convictions while exploring many different views and perspectives. It was no surprise to learn he majored in Philosophy in college!
Chance #25 taught me that being "traditional" and following established patterns of living and working does not have to be the only way to live. Thinking outside the box a little just might lead us to a better version of ourselves and one that better understands the mission of the Savior.
Twenty-Fourth Chance
Bet you thought I gave up...
...I didn't. Yet. Ha ha ;-). I have exactly a month from tomorrow to complete my challenge and I think it just might happen.
Date Connection:
This was actually a SECOND date after twenty-three FIRST dates. Chance 18 has made a reappearance on my blog as chance 24.
Date Location:
My house. We watched "Joseph Smith, the Prophet of the Restoration," keeping in line with our new tradition of watching all the church movies that played in the Joseph Smith Memorial Building theater.
What I Learned:
We had fun eating snacks and chatting while watching our movie. When the movie was done, I told him he should read what I wrote about him from our first date. He got up from where he was sitting and sat close beside me so I could read along with him. It felt nice sitting side by side. Truth: when you're single a long time, you miss physical contact. Even something as simple as a pat on the back, a hug, or sitting close enough that you are touching another human being is a really good feeling. I was grateful that he was brave enough to break down a barrier by sitting next to me.
Throughout this dating process, I have learned that somewhere along the way, I constructed a cage around my heart. I learned that simple things like showing someone you value their nearness or paying them a sincere compliment can start the process of untangling the wire.
...I didn't. Yet. Ha ha ;-). I have exactly a month from tomorrow to complete my challenge and I think it just might happen.
Date Connection:
This was actually a SECOND date after twenty-three FIRST dates. Chance 18 has made a reappearance on my blog as chance 24.
Date Location:
My house. We watched "Joseph Smith, the Prophet of the Restoration," keeping in line with our new tradition of watching all the church movies that played in the Joseph Smith Memorial Building theater.
What I Learned:
We had fun eating snacks and chatting while watching our movie. When the movie was done, I told him he should read what I wrote about him from our first date. He got up from where he was sitting and sat close beside me so I could read along with him. It felt nice sitting side by side. Truth: when you're single a long time, you miss physical contact. Even something as simple as a pat on the back, a hug, or sitting close enough that you are touching another human being is a really good feeling. I was grateful that he was brave enough to break down a barrier by sitting next to me.
Throughout this dating process, I have learned that somewhere along the way, I constructed a cage around my heart. I learned that simple things like showing someone you value their nearness or paying them a sincere compliment can start the process of untangling the wire.
Tuesday, September 25, 2018
Twenty-Third Chance
Date Connection:
A member of the choir I sing in told his son about my project when I was about halfway through and I needed more dates. He texted me and said his son would be willing to participate!
Date Location:
My house
What I Learned:
I was comfortable inviting him over for dinner because I know his dad. When he arrived, I instantly liked his personality. He is a quiet guy, which I've always found appealing (maybe because opposites attract...?). He was so polite and kind during our date, making sure to thank me for things I did throughout the evening. This is such an attractive quality in a man. He listened to everything I said with a smile on his face as though he thought something was funny. I asked why he was laughing once, and he said he wasn't- just processing. He is the first person I've met who processes with a smile! I think we all should do that. At my request, he brought his guitar and played. He began with a cover of a Bob Dylan song that had a folk-rock-blues vibe (is that a genre? Ha ha ha). When he sang, it surprised me because his singing voice is full and strong while his speaking voice is gentle and quiet. We played around on our guitars and sang some duets. Then, he humored me and learned a couple musical theater duets. I was so impressed with his willingness. He comes from a very musical family, and it showed. He picked up the melodies and harmonies easily and it was so fun to match each others' voices in power and intensity.
My twenty-third chance taught me that saying simple, sincere thank you's throughout a date makes a very positive impact on the other person. I want to make more of an effort now to recognize the sacrifices someone I date makes and be sure to express my gratitude.
A member of the choir I sing in told his son about my project when I was about halfway through and I needed more dates. He texted me and said his son would be willing to participate!
Date Location:
My house
What I Learned:
I was comfortable inviting him over for dinner because I know his dad. When he arrived, I instantly liked his personality. He is a quiet guy, which I've always found appealing (maybe because opposites attract...?). He was so polite and kind during our date, making sure to thank me for things I did throughout the evening. This is such an attractive quality in a man. He listened to everything I said with a smile on his face as though he thought something was funny. I asked why he was laughing once, and he said he wasn't- just processing. He is the first person I've met who processes with a smile! I think we all should do that. At my request, he brought his guitar and played. He began with a cover of a Bob Dylan song that had a folk-rock-blues vibe (is that a genre? Ha ha ha). When he sang, it surprised me because his singing voice is full and strong while his speaking voice is gentle and quiet. We played around on our guitars and sang some duets. Then, he humored me and learned a couple musical theater duets. I was so impressed with his willingness. He comes from a very musical family, and it showed. He picked up the melodies and harmonies easily and it was so fun to match each others' voices in power and intensity.
My twenty-third chance taught me that saying simple, sincere thank you's throughout a date makes a very positive impact on the other person. I want to make more of an effort now to recognize the sacrifices someone I date makes and be sure to express my gratitude.
Thursday, September 20, 2018
Twenty-Second Chance
Date Connection:
We met on Mutual around the time I began my dating quest.
Date Location:
Scheels
What I Learned:
If you had told me going to a sporting goods store would be a fun date idea, I would have said you were nuts! Especially for someone like me who isn't the most well versed in many outdoor activities. Browsing through that enormous store was entertaining and made me realize all the things I need to buy for my outdoor needs, like a frisbee, cute workout clothes, camo crocs, a sled, etc. I actually did leave there with a pair of boots that were a screaming deal! It's interesting how and activity like this one allows you to really get to know things about someone without even asking them questions. For example, I learned that he is very practical, which fondly reminded me of my father. I learned that he loves guns, but doesn't like to hunt (which makes sense for a veterinarian!). I learned he's always wanted to buy a pair of snow skis. As we walked and talked, his voice was very calm and soothing. He was extremely laid back. I could easily imagine how he must talk to animals when he treats them.
My 22nd chance at dating taught me that even on a first date, really getting to know is only partly discovered by sitting down and talking back and forth about the usual topics. What can be even more telling are the tone of someone's voice, seeing his reaction to things, watching him interact with other people, etc. And that's a really fun journey of discovery!
We met on Mutual around the time I began my dating quest.
Date Location:
Scheels
What I Learned:
If you had told me going to a sporting goods store would be a fun date idea, I would have said you were nuts! Especially for someone like me who isn't the most well versed in many outdoor activities. Browsing through that enormous store was entertaining and made me realize all the things I need to buy for my outdoor needs, like a frisbee, cute workout clothes, camo crocs, a sled, etc. I actually did leave there with a pair of boots that were a screaming deal! It's interesting how and activity like this one allows you to really get to know things about someone without even asking them questions. For example, I learned that he is very practical, which fondly reminded me of my father. I learned that he loves guns, but doesn't like to hunt (which makes sense for a veterinarian!). I learned he's always wanted to buy a pair of snow skis. As we walked and talked, his voice was very calm and soothing. He was extremely laid back. I could easily imagine how he must talk to animals when he treats them.
My 22nd chance at dating taught me that even on a first date, really getting to know is only partly discovered by sitting down and talking back and forth about the usual topics. What can be even more telling are the tone of someone's voice, seeing his reaction to things, watching him interact with other people, etc. And that's a really fun journey of discovery!
Saturday, September 15, 2018
Twenty-First Chance
Date Connection:
We met online months before I started the experiment and went on one date. We had a lot of fun chatting and talked a few times about getting together again, but never made it happen. I decided to reach out and tell him a little about what I was doing and see if another date would still interest him and he said yes!
Date Location:
Keva Juice in Bountiful (so good!)
What I Learned:
He is a really kind man with a quiet sense of humor that makes him fun to be around. We have a lot in common and conversation flows easily when we are together. One of my favorite things about him is that he inherited a pet bunny a couple years ago who behaves more like a dog or a cat and he loves his rabbit so much! I love hearing bunny stories. Another thing I really like about him is his curiosity. While walking back to our cars, we passed by a very narrow alleyway between buildings. He was so intrigued and excited. He zipped inside to try to climb the walls, but the space was a bit too narrow. It was fun to watch him be so spontaneous and playful.
One thing I appreciated a lot about him is he was complimentary in a sweet, sincere way that wasn't contrived. For example, he told me he liked my "power boots." He also mentioned a couple times in subtle ways that I looked nice. This especially impacted me because I came to the date after running around all day and felt frazzled. I didn't have time to fix my hair or do my makeup and I was a half hour late. He was so gracious about all of those things and made me feel comfortable with who I am.
During my twenty-first chance, I learned the power of kind words. My friend Erin works a lot with LDS matchmaking and one thing she always says is that people should approach a date with the number one priority of making the other person feel good and have a positive experience. If both people do that, it's bound to be a positive experience. He definitely met his end of the bargain during our date, and he probably didn't even realize he was doing it!
We met online months before I started the experiment and went on one date. We had a lot of fun chatting and talked a few times about getting together again, but never made it happen. I decided to reach out and tell him a little about what I was doing and see if another date would still interest him and he said yes!
Date Location:
Keva Juice in Bountiful (so good!)
What I Learned:
He is a really kind man with a quiet sense of humor that makes him fun to be around. We have a lot in common and conversation flows easily when we are together. One of my favorite things about him is that he inherited a pet bunny a couple years ago who behaves more like a dog or a cat and he loves his rabbit so much! I love hearing bunny stories. Another thing I really like about him is his curiosity. While walking back to our cars, we passed by a very narrow alleyway between buildings. He was so intrigued and excited. He zipped inside to try to climb the walls, but the space was a bit too narrow. It was fun to watch him be so spontaneous and playful.
One thing I appreciated a lot about him is he was complimentary in a sweet, sincere way that wasn't contrived. For example, he told me he liked my "power boots." He also mentioned a couple times in subtle ways that I looked nice. This especially impacted me because I came to the date after running around all day and felt frazzled. I didn't have time to fix my hair or do my makeup and I was a half hour late. He was so gracious about all of those things and made me feel comfortable with who I am.
During my twenty-first chance, I learned the power of kind words. My friend Erin works a lot with LDS matchmaking and one thing she always says is that people should approach a date with the number one priority of making the other person feel good and have a positive experience. If both people do that, it's bound to be a positive experience. He definitely met his end of the bargain during our date, and he probably didn't even realize he was doing it!
Twentieth Chance
Date Connection:
He and I met online three years ago. It was a bit of an atypical dating situation because he is British and lives in England. We had lots of fun conversations about dating for quite awhile via Facebook messenger. We even joked about co-writing a blog about dating from the perspective of an American girl and a British guy. Our conversations amused one another for a year or so; we lost touch when he started dating someone in the UK. We were still friends on social media, however, and my dating challenge piqued his interest. He volunteered to be part of it.
Date Location:
Facebook video chat between SLC, Utah and ENGLAND!
What I Learned:
He sent me a message on Facebook at about 6:45 in the morning and asked if I was awake to have our "date." I got the message at 7:10 a.m. and was looking like I just rolled out of bed. Because I had. But I thought, "YOLO." (He's probably reading this right now and wondering what on earth YOLO means.) I was actually quite excited to video chat with him for the first time after our many Facebook messenger conversations two years ago across the sea.
Talking to him was an absolute delight. He has a no-nonsense, straight forward personality that is positively endearing (and sometimes aggravating). He is intelligent and handsome. He has a gorgeous British accent. He really has it all going for him...except for living on another continent. He asked what would happen if a British man showed up in a midsingle ward in Salt Lake City. The size of our singles wards is a really difficult concept for him to wrap his head around. I told him the women would be flocking. I think he likes the sound of that. He has a good heart and wants to do good things in life. I wish very much for him to be happy and find someone who deserves him because I think he'll make a great husband and father, even if it has to be with a British lady in his neck of the woods ;-). But if he's ever in the states, he knows under penalty of the wrath of a woman that he better call me up!
During my twentieth chance at this dating challenge, I learned that my name is ten times cooler when spoken in an authentic British accent.
He and I met online three years ago. It was a bit of an atypical dating situation because he is British and lives in England. We had lots of fun conversations about dating for quite awhile via Facebook messenger. We even joked about co-writing a blog about dating from the perspective of an American girl and a British guy. Our conversations amused one another for a year or so; we lost touch when he started dating someone in the UK. We were still friends on social media, however, and my dating challenge piqued his interest. He volunteered to be part of it.
Date Location:
Facebook video chat between SLC, Utah and ENGLAND!
What I Learned:
He sent me a message on Facebook at about 6:45 in the morning and asked if I was awake to have our "date." I got the message at 7:10 a.m. and was looking like I just rolled out of bed. Because I had. But I thought, "YOLO." (He's probably reading this right now and wondering what on earth YOLO means.) I was actually quite excited to video chat with him for the first time after our many Facebook messenger conversations two years ago across the sea.
Talking to him was an absolute delight. He has a no-nonsense, straight forward personality that is positively endearing (and sometimes aggravating). He is intelligent and handsome. He has a gorgeous British accent. He really has it all going for him...except for living on another continent. He asked what would happen if a British man showed up in a midsingle ward in Salt Lake City. The size of our singles wards is a really difficult concept for him to wrap his head around. I told him the women would be flocking. I think he likes the sound of that. He has a good heart and wants to do good things in life. I wish very much for him to be happy and find someone who deserves him because I think he'll make a great husband and father, even if it has to be with a British lady in his neck of the woods ;-). But if he's ever in the states, he knows under penalty of the wrath of a woman that he better call me up!
During my twentieth chance at this dating challenge, I learned that my name is ten times cooler when spoken in an authentic British accent.
Wednesday, September 12, 2018
Nineteenth Chance
Date Connection:
About a year ago, my former college roommate Lisa set the two of us up on a date and we had a fun time. We stayed friends on Facebook and Instagram. I decided to reach out and see if he wanted to go on another date.
Date Location:
Dave and Buster's at the Gateway Mall
What I Learned:
First of all, what a cool place for a date! Dave and Buster's is an enormous arcade and restaurant. We hit so many of my favorite kinds of arcade games- car racing, air hockey, shooting hoops, etc. It is so fun to add a little friendly competition in to a date. It allows for some teasing and flirting! We even had a Jurassic World virtual reality experience. SO AMAZING how technology has evolved! One thing I really appreciate about him is he is genuinely kind. I value that a lot in people, and it's definitely something I look for when dating. He also has a really great attitude. Life has dealt him some tough cards, and he has chosen to create a happy life for himself and his daughter. It's clear he is an attentive and loving father. He has a fun-loving spirit and knows how to enjoy the little things.
My nineteenth dating opportunity taught me that playfulness on a date is really important. Sometimes I get so caught up in trying to learn a lot about someone that I forget to just have fun. You can learn a lot about someone THROUGH having fun together!
About a year ago, my former college roommate Lisa set the two of us up on a date and we had a fun time. We stayed friends on Facebook and Instagram. I decided to reach out and see if he wanted to go on another date.
Date Location:
Dave and Buster's at the Gateway Mall
What I Learned:
First of all, what a cool place for a date! Dave and Buster's is an enormous arcade and restaurant. We hit so many of my favorite kinds of arcade games- car racing, air hockey, shooting hoops, etc. It is so fun to add a little friendly competition in to a date. It allows for some teasing and flirting! We even had a Jurassic World virtual reality experience. SO AMAZING how technology has evolved! One thing I really appreciate about him is he is genuinely kind. I value that a lot in people, and it's definitely something I look for when dating. He also has a really great attitude. Life has dealt him some tough cards, and he has chosen to create a happy life for himself and his daughter. It's clear he is an attentive and loving father. He has a fun-loving spirit and knows how to enjoy the little things.
My nineteenth dating opportunity taught me that playfulness on a date is really important. Sometimes I get so caught up in trying to learn a lot about someone that I forget to just have fun. You can learn a lot about someone THROUGH having fun together!
Sunday, September 9, 2018
Eighteenth Chance
Date Connection:
This is a funny story! A girl in my midsingles ward sent me a message on FB when she saw my dating challenge and said this guy was awesome and I should go out with him. I told her that I actually knew him and we were friends! Later, I was telling him the story and he said, "I'll be one of your dates!"
Date Location:
My house
What I Learned:
He came up with the idea of watching Legacy, a throwback from our youth. I made dinner and we ate while we watched. Legacy is a church movie about the early pioneers who came west for religious freedom in the mid 1800's. The movie came out in 1990, almost 20 years ago! It was so familiar to both of us. We had a lot of fun reminiscing along the way (and I counted FOUR times they kissed! I didn't remember it being so many!). One thing I really like about him is he is insightful and also funny. All of his comments were interesting and/or fun. One thing he shared was something a professor taught him in grad school. He said when you charge money for something, you need to make the quality of it four times the value of the money you ask for it. People don't want to part with their hard earned money unless they know it will be absolutely worth it. He also told me a funny story about someone he knew from his EFY counselor days named Dwight who sang "Choose D-Wight" to the tune of, "Choose the Right" to a girl when she was trying to decide between him and another guy. A fellow choral director, he is passionate about his craft and I've always admired that about him. He is a solid, genuine, kind man who I'm lucky to know.
My eighteenth chance taught me to go on dates with people you're friends with already instead of just "hanging out." Guaranteed there are many things you don't know about them and a date setting makes it easier to learn about each other and be a little more vulnerable.
This is a funny story! A girl in my midsingles ward sent me a message on FB when she saw my dating challenge and said this guy was awesome and I should go out with him. I told her that I actually knew him and we were friends! Later, I was telling him the story and he said, "I'll be one of your dates!"
Date Location:
My house
What I Learned:
He came up with the idea of watching Legacy, a throwback from our youth. I made dinner and we ate while we watched. Legacy is a church movie about the early pioneers who came west for religious freedom in the mid 1800's. The movie came out in 1990, almost 20 years ago! It was so familiar to both of us. We had a lot of fun reminiscing along the way (and I counted FOUR times they kissed! I didn't remember it being so many!). One thing I really like about him is he is insightful and also funny. All of his comments were interesting and/or fun. One thing he shared was something a professor taught him in grad school. He said when you charge money for something, you need to make the quality of it four times the value of the money you ask for it. People don't want to part with their hard earned money unless they know it will be absolutely worth it. He also told me a funny story about someone he knew from his EFY counselor days named Dwight who sang "Choose D-Wight" to the tune of, "Choose the Right" to a girl when she was trying to decide between him and another guy. A fellow choral director, he is passionate about his craft and I've always admired that about him. He is a solid, genuine, kind man who I'm lucky to know.
My eighteenth chance taught me to go on dates with people you're friends with already instead of just "hanging out." Guaranteed there are many things you don't know about them and a date setting makes it easier to learn about each other and be a little more vulnerable.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)