My blog has become a life journal for me. The following story about my experiences this summer is written in gratitude to the Lord for showing me how much greater His vision is than my own and teaching me to trust in Him always.
Toward the end of the school year last year, I started feeling like a change was needed in my life. I wasn't sure what shape this change would take; I only knew that I was blindly seeking something and not finding answers on my own.
I took my restlessness to the Lord and I felt strongly that I needed to look for opportunities outside of where I currently live. The Lord also revealed to me personal things about why this would be healthy for me, which opened my eyes to things about myself I hadn't before understood. It was an amazing experience.
Those feelings were the go-ahead I needed to begin searching for jobs and housing options in different cities and different states. Also, for the first time ever, I felt confident enough in my profession to start considering high school positions. I applied to several jobs and went through job interviews for three different schools only to come up empty handed. I began feeling discouraged. I thought for sure I knew what the Lord wanted for me and I was trying to do as He asked. Why was I not successful?
After receiving a rejection from one of the high schools I particularly wanted to work at, I found myself at my bishop's office on a Tuesday night without an appointment. I wanted a blessing and some counsel. It was a very special meeting for me. The bishop listened with compassion to my fears and struggles in both the professional and social parts of my life. He validated the choice I'd made to seek a new place to live and work.
Frustrated at having no direction with summer quickly approaching, I determined I was going to go ahead with my life, stay at Dixon for another year, and buy a condo. I dreamed of living in a place where I'd have my own little kitchen and a place for my piano. I wanted to know which dishes were mine and start learning how to cook. I got a Realtor and began looking at properties at the beginning of summer. I saw several things in nearby cities and even decided to make an offer on one of the homes I saw. The day after I put the offer in was a fast Sunday. I decided to fast about my choice to buy a home. I told Heavenly Father in prayer that just as I'd learned I was supposed to do, I'd made a choice and was putting it before the Lord to make sure it was acceptable. I wanted Him to let me know if I was going in a wrong direction.
The next day, I decided to call my sister-in-law. I didn't have a particular reason, except to talk about how cute my niece is and how much I love her. (I feel very indebted to Joe and Shana for Ella.) I found myself pouring out my housing concerns to Shana. We had an awesome talk. Shana cautioned me not to jump in to buying a house in order to solve other feelings. She said from what she perceived, I wanted my own space and independence. She suggested there were many ways I could fulfill this need without taking the risk of buying a house when I don't know whether or not I'll be staying in Utah for the next five years and I'm unsure as to whether or not I'll be able to rent it for the mortgage price in this kind of market.
Basically, she said many things my dad had mentioned to me before; however, it took a talk from my sister-in-law for me to listen. I wanted to prove to my parents I was a big girl and could make it work, despite their hesitancy. The Lord used Shana in response to my prayer as I fasted the day before . All of a sudden, I couldn't remember why I wanted to buy my own place so badly. It occurred to me that this was the stupor of thought the Lord promises in the Doctrine and Covenants when we ask if what we are doing is right.
Still homeless, I decided to start looking for single person single basement apartments to rent on KSL.com. I looked at several places over a couple days and nothing was quite right. I met lots of lovely people, but prices were high and locations weren't ideal. I went on my church history trip without any options. Nothing seemed to be falling in to place.
When I got home at the beginning of July with school a month and a half away, I decided to dive back in to house hunting right away. I spent almost 2 hours online scouring the ads for apartments. Finally, something caught my eye. A single older woman was looking for a single female to rent her basement apartment. I went right out to see it and fell in love on the spot. I filled out a rental application and the owner called my references. The next day, she delivered the good news that the apartment was mine. I was thrilled.
In the back of my mind, I still ha the nagging thought that this plan of mine didn't quite match up with what I thought the Lord wanted me to do. I figured, however, that I'd done everything I could to get a new job. I needed to just continue forward.
The sweet owner asked me to pay a $500 deposit to secure my position so she could take the ad offline. I happily did so on July 7th, the day after she said I got the apartment. She originally said it would be available July 19th and I could sign a contract when I moved in that day. The next time I spoke to her, however, plans had changed slightly and I needed to move July 26th instead. This wasn't a big deal; in fact, it gave me more time to do fun summer activities with my roommates.
On July 13th, I received an email from my former professor of choral education at BYU. This is what it said:
Dear friends,
I'm just sending this message to everyone I could think of who may be interested. I've just heard that [blank] High School, in Salt Lake, has an opening for Choir Teacher.
Hope all is well,
Dr. B
This was my reply:
Dr. B,
I can't believe I'm doing this (because I just put down a huge deposit on an apartment in and school starts in a couple weeks and I can't believe I'm considering leaving Dixon at this short notice!!), but do you think you could write me a letter of recommendation for this high school job? I don't know why I feel so propelled forward on this, but I can't not apply for some reason, even though I don't think that means I'll get it. I just need to know I tried, I guess. I know this is SUPER last minute for you and I understand if you can't. Let me know. I'd need it by Tuesday.
Thanks, Katie
The same day I heard about the job, I sent my resume and letter of interest to the administration at the high school. I wasn't convinced I actually wanted it; however, I couldn't ignore the fact that this could be what Heavenly Father had been trying to guide me to all along. I knew that accepting the job meant I'd lose a $500 deposit, I'd have to leave my dear colleagues and students at Dixon, and I couldn't have the little basement apartment of my dreams. I also knew it meant I'd have to return the couch I'd just bought for my unfurnished apartment, I'd have to tell the new bishop I'd just met that I would no longer be in their ward, I'd have to figure out how to teach high school, and I'd have only a couple weeks to prepare and get used to the idea. But I couldn't turn my back on it. I had to know that I at least tried to explore every opportunity that the Lord had potentially put in my path. If I didn't get the position, I would know that staying at Dixon was right for the time being.
The next morning, I got a call from the principal telling me he was interested in my resume. He asked me to fill out the district application so they would be able to interview me. I told him I'd start the process right away. The next day he called and scheduled an interview in good faith that I'd follow through with the district red tape. He told me a little about the school and I started getting a little excited. He mentioned their goal to integrate more of their ethnic population into the choral program, which is something that was very important to me at Dixon
I had to scramble to complete an application, get a copy of my teaching license, get a copy of my transcripts, a copy of my Praxis test scores, and three letters of recommendation up to the district office in about four days. I have some amazing mentors and friends who were willing to help me so I could get it all in by Thursday, July 21st, the day of my interview. In the week leading up to the interview, I had severe anxiety. My stomach was constantly in pain and I agonized over the possibility of changing my life so dramatically. I remember feeling like even applying for this job had to be one of the hardest decisions I'd ever made.
Thursday morning came and I interviewed. The more we talked, the more I wanted the job and the less sure I was that I would get it. I left the interview totally unsure of what they thought of me as a potential educator at their school. They said they'd let me know by Monday, July 25th, the day before I was to sign my lease for the new apartment and start moving in.
Thankfully, they made their decision sooner and offered me the job by 3:00 p.m. that day. After I accepted the position and hung up, a feeling of peace came over me that I'd made the right choice. Even saying I'd do it, I hadn't felt 100% confident.
From that moment forward, the Lord blessed me in all the hard things I had to do. After calling my parents, I called my vice-principal and he was so supportive. I cried. Then, before sending an email to my colleagues, I called my friend and mentor, Christy (the band teacher at Dixon), and cried some more. She was nothing but supportive as well. My colleagues responded with congratulations and excitement for a new opportunity. I was afraid people would resent me for bailing out so close to the beginning of the school year. I thought they would accuse me of giving up on middle school because I'd had a difficult year. But they were nothing but kind to me and that, too, made me cry.
I knew in my heart the Lord wanted me to do this and that I wasn't giving up on Dixon. I loved my students and time at that school more than I could ever imagine possible. It is sacred ground for me.
When I called the woman who was to have been my landlord, she was so incredibly understanding, even though I was inconveniencing her greatly. I knew she'd need to keep the deposit so as not to lose money for the weeks her apartment would stay empty. I offered to pay the full month's rent for August while she looked for another tenant, but she said that wasn't necessary. She was so kind and I couldn't have asked for a more gracious landlady.
I was talking to a friend today about how one of the things I lost in this process was my $500 deposit on the apartment. But I realized that I don't really even want the money back because it represents something very precious to me. Applying for this job knowing I would have to give up some hard earned cash, students I loved, and association with dear friends and co-workers was a big step of faith for me. It was a step I wasn't sure I was even capable of making. Through this small step of faith, I was able to show Father in Heaven that His will was more important than money or comfort. Without Him, I would never have found the courage to apply. He guided me through every single step.
In return for my small act of faith, He blessed me double or triple what I could have received had I ignored the job opening. He provided me a place to live within hours of accepting the job. My former roommate, Celeste, owns a condo and has plenty of space for a roommate. She happens to live 11 miles from my new school. The rent I'll be paying is less than half what I would have paid at the other apartment. Celeste will be a huge support for me as I learn my way around a new city and seek to make new friends. I hope I can be of help to her as well, more than just helping her pay her mortgage. She is not asking me to sign a contract, so if I want to find my own place later in the year like I dreamed of before, I can. But I have a feeling we might have too much fun for me to want to leave anytime soon!
I wrote this today as a testimony that I know God lives and is extremely aware of me and my life, as He is aware of the lives of each one of His children here on earth. I know that in the coming weeks and months of this new adventure, He will qualify me for this job that right now seems impossible for me to do, despite how exciting it sounds. But I've learned a lot over the past few months about His capacity to lead me where I need to go.
Although it's hard for me not to, I don't have to worry when He's in charge.
My only desire now is that my students at Dixon will receive a wonderful teacher who will love them as much as I do. I was imperfect on a daily basis, but I did truly love those kids. It seems already that the Lord is preparing this too...further emphasizing to me His involvement in the lives of all of His children.
I'll keep you posted :-).
Tessa put in "the perfect man."
Kate put in shells from our California spring break trip.
Many put in her autographed ticket from the American Idol concert we went to as roommates.
I put in a flower we made from our Christmas celebration day, "12 for 12."
Of course we then had to go back and watch all our videos from Prince Edward Island on Kate's computer.
We are in the process of writing our predictions for each other for next year. Those will go back in the time capsule and it will be sealed up until next summer! We plan to continue this tradition for our entire lives!
